y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
