omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
