Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
