recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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