Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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