he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
