I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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