Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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