Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
