im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
