how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
