just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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