Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
