im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
