if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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