It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
