you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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