So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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