So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
