We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
