I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize