a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
