Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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