Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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