Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
