There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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