I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
