a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
