I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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