I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
