Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
