i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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