everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
