He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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