I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
