Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
