At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
