i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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