I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
