i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
