Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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