You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
