I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
