You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
