We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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