Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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