Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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