Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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