glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
