we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
