This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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