Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
