What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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