apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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