dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
me + whiskey = a bad person
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
