you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
