I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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