Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
