i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
