I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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