woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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