did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
