He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
