Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
