I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
