please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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