i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
