Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
