guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
