So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
