Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
