$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
