She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
