White coat. Heels.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
