dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
