after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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