porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
